Slowly but Surely...

So, I'm a half a pound lighter from my last weigh-in (I do them once per week), so that's good. ;)  I've also decided a few things.  I've been thinking a lot about setting myself up for success and not trying to do/change too many things all at once...so, I've decided I'm going to slowly ease myself into all the changes I want to make.  So, my first focus of change is on my diet because I believe that is the most important facet of being/getting healthy and trying to lose weight.  Once my diet is completely under control I will introduce regular exercise into the mix all the while reducing my alcohol intake even more (p.s. I've been having more beers during the week than originally intended).  My focus is on whole, fresh foods...very limited consumption of anything canned or processed and a very much vegetarian aimed diet.  I love meat, by the way.  I fucking love it!  But the fact is that you can get much, much, much, MUCH more total nutritional value out of a few hundred calories of fruits, vegetables, nuts and lentils compared to a few hundred calories of meat.  Whole/fresh/vegetarian foods are also highly digestible which in turn keeps kickin' your metabolism in its metabolic ass all day AND your body is able to actually use more of what you're eating.  I am no expert by any means but what I can tell you is that being an 80-90% vegetarian is a very healthful and beneficial thing when it comes to your overall health.  So, I've been eating this (or close to it) every day during the day:  1 serving of Green Goodness smoothie, a banana, an apple, a baggie of baby carrots, an 8oz oj enriched with calcium, 2 mini Luna bars, a lowfat yogurt smoothie, a baggie of strawberries, a minneola and...hmmmmm, that's about it.  Then, for dinner, I'll make something very delicious and healthy, packed full of veggies and other good stuff.  I usually have meat with dinner...because I fucking love it...but a healthier meat, usually white meats and I'm not a meat racist either cause dark meats, quite frankly, are the more delicious of the meats. ;)  Like tonight we're having enchilada style chicken burritos, packed full of fresh veggies and beans.  I think it's really important to cook and eat from only fresh, raw ingredients and only consume fats that occur naturally (such as in nuts) as the sustenance you gain from said consumables is much more easily utilized by your body in every way.  Tonight I've also already made the sauce for the pasta and turkey meatballs we're going to have for dinner tomorrow...the sauce includes fresh minced garlic, fresh sliced yellow onions, fresh zucchini, fresh baby bella mushrooms, fresh grape tomotoes, chopped green onions and a butt load of fresh spinach.  I'm pretty sure it's going to be delicious...ohhhhhh, wait for it...AND nutritious!  BAM! :)  We will also be using whole wheat pasta to go with this dish.  Ok, more food stuff later.

So, I wanna talk about a few things that motivate me.  I think it's really important to have motivators if you're trying to lose weight...not just things like "I really wanna lose weight because I wanna be skinny" but more like what is it deep down that really makes you want to be healthier...some true core motivators.  What really makes you not want to fat/unhealthy...something that if you said it to yourself every time you wanted to make an unhealthy decision it would make you hate doughnuts.  It's important to realize that there are ALWAYS underlying mental effects that result from be fat.  It's an emotional drain, really...not just a physical drain.  So, for me, out the eight thousand reasons that I want to be fit and healthy, there are a few things that really stick out for me and really affect my confidence level (a main reason I want to lose weight).  The first is riding on airplanes.  So, the last time we flew, which was in September, we get on the airplane, situate our things and baggage and sit down in our seats and get ready for takeoff.  Once the seat belt light comes on, I go to put my seat belt on and not only have to pull the buckle to as far as it will go on the belt but then when I clasp it, the belt is still a little tight on me.  Not to mention, when I put the tray table down it's resting on my legs and touching my belly.  Oh yeah, and I also feel completely crowded and like I'm crowding other people.  I basically feel like shouting over the whole plane, "Hey everyone!  I'm fat and uncomfortable...come see how fat I am!  By the way, if I get any fatter, I won't be able to wear this seat belt!  Also, did you see how fat I am?.  P.s.  I love me some chips n' dips!!"  So, that's a big thing for me.  Another, is how I feel about myself when I'm more of a feminine size in Jude's arms hugging him and being hugged as opposed to being more of a manly size.  It has nothing to do with how much he loves me or how much I know that he loves me or how much I love him or how fucking awesome Jude is at hugging...it has everything to do with the way I feel about myself...sometimes I just don't feel like I even let myself enjoy the hugs because I feel so big and bad about myself...and honestly I really do feel less feminine.  And hugs are awesome, in case you didn't know...well, good hugs at least. ;)  So maybe that's the root motivation of that one...to feel more feminine.  Being a fat woman really does make you feel like a dude...it sucks.  No matter what your motivation, I think you always need to have a physical and emotional interest in it.

I'll talk more about more of my motivations later, but those are two huge ones.  I also apologize for not posting more...I'm really going to try to do it more and maybe not write a novel every single time.  Thank you all for your support...it really means everything to  me.  Goodnight and loves...hopefully I'll be back here in a few days.

P.s.  I didn't edit this or check for mistakes, cause I'm really tired.  So I apologize in advance for any errors. ;)