Alright, so I've come to the realization that I'm trying to do too much all at once. Also, I know that I promised a daily blog update but I just really can't make that happen right now. So, I've decided to do a weekly update and possibly a bi-weekly update. I've just been spending so much time working out and cooking that I'm so tired by the time I actually have time to write something on here that I just want to lay down, watch the tube and fall asleep. And as far as trying to do too much all at once goes, I just have so many things/habits that I'm trying to change and I've set myself up to think that I was going to be able to change everything very quickly and do everything perfectly that I've found myself feeling very frustrated for not being completely perfect right off the bat. I have just been telling myself over and over that I actually AM doing a really good job and that it's going to get better and easier once I settle into my new habits more. Ya know, I think going from having drinks after work nearly every single day to even half that is an accomplishment. And also, I've noticed when I actually do drink I'm having much much less in one evening. Also, I've completely revamped my daily diet and that's an incredible accomplishment. (If you can't tell, I'm trying to convince myself of how well I'm doing) And although I haven't been at the gym as many times as I would like per week, I've still been going and really making my workouts count...I am literally kicking my own ass every time.
Anyway, enough proving myself to myself. Let me tell you how my week went last week!
I did my weigh in on Tuesday and even though I thought I didn't lose anything more, I actually lost another pound! So that's pretty cool. Now my weight is 275. I also lost some inches from the week before. Here are my starting inches: Chest: 51.5 Waist: 53 Hip:54 Thigh (left, right): 28.5, 27.5 Bicep (left, right): 15, 15.25. And here are my inches for my second week: Chest: 50.5 Waist: 52 Hip: 52.75 Thigh (left, right): 26.5, 26.5 Bicep (left, right): 15, 15. So just in the first week, WITHOUT BEING A TOTALLY PERFECT PERFECT PERSON, I lost one pound as well as 6.5 inches. Not too shabby, eh?!
My daily diet, at least during the day, is fairly similar. Every day I have 16 ounces of a Green Goodness drink, a bag of carrots, a banana, an apple, a lowfat yogurt smoothie, a Luna bar and some other type of berry, fruit or vegetable snack. Then for dinner I'll make something delicious and healthy. Like this week we had, a few times actually, whole wheat spaghetti with turkey and veggie meatballs in a delicious marinara sauce.
This week was a different story...I've started really struggling to be totally honest. When I say "this week" it's actually the week leading up to yesterday. I worked out about half the week last week and still ate really well the whole week and then the weekend hit. We'll just call it "Junk Food Apocalypse." I don't know about you guys but when I know I can't have or am not supposed to have something I just want it more. I end up feeling like I have absolutely no freedom and end up getting really frustrated and depressed. And so, Junk Food Apocalypse happened. I ate a lot of really unhealthy, fatty stuff this last weekend and had beers Friday, Saturday AND motha fuckin' Sunday. Seriously. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me? So, just over the weekend I ended up putting back on 2.5 pounds and I've really been tearing myself up about it. I feel so terrible that I've already had a pretty big setback so early in my process. I know I just need to keep working on the major picture and not dwell in my failures but I'm really just getting to be so frustrated and quite frankly just fucking pissed off that I ever let myself get to where I am now. I just feel like I have so much on my shoulders all the time and there are so many things about myself and in my life that I want to change that it makes it really hard to even focus. Then I have my constant anxiety issues that I have to work through on a daily/momentary basis, it's just fucking exhausting. I plan on going into depth about those issues as well soon, but just know if you also deal with anxiety and panic attacks, you're not alone and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. Anyway, enough with the negativity.
First things first, to continue on and be successful, I need to find a good gym. I got a free 14 day pass to Anytime Fitness that's not too far from my house but I'm not sure I really like it. I'm also trying to work it into our budget...we were just hit with some car bills, vet bills and some other stuff that really put us behind and I also really need glasses/contacts and my annual female business taken care of within the next month and let me tell you, not having any kind of health insurance is FUCKING AWESOME! I'm being facetious. Anyway, lots of unneeded stress and I need to find better ways to deal with it besides relaxing with a few beers after work.
Alright guys, I'm gonna come up with a more organized way to conduct my thoughts into this blog soon. I think that's why it's so hard for me to get it done. Please feel free to leave words of encouragement...I can really use them. I just wanna be healthy, ya know? Love you all!
Jacq! You are doing well, and as someone who has gained and lost a lot of weight, I completely understand what you are going through! You can do it, and do not be too hard on yourself. It is a lot to completely change your life! Small changes, like not drinking everyday makes a difference! You can do it, it will take time!
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